When I went to City Hall to renew the dog’s license, I told the clerk that I’d like a license for Sex. He said, “I would like to have one too!” Then I said, “But she is a dog!” He said he didn’t care what she looked like. I said, “You don’t understand… I have had Sex since I was nine years old.” He replied, “You must have been quite a strong boy.”

When I decided to get married, I told the minister that I would like to have Sex at the wedding. He told me to wait until after the wedding was over. I said, “But Sex has played a big part in my life and my whole world revolves around Sex.” He said he didn’t want to hear about my personal life and would not marry us in his church. I told him everyone would enjoy having Sex at the wedding. The next day we were married at the Justice of the Peace. My family is barred from the church from then on.

When my wife and I went on our honeymoon, I took the dog with me. When we checked into the motel, I told the clerk that I wanted a room for me and my wife and a special room for Sex. He said that every room in the motel is a place for sex. I said, “You don’t understand. … Sex keeps me awake at night.” The clerk said, “Me too!”

One day I entered Sex in a contest. But before the competition began, the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just looking around. I told him that I was going to have Sex in the contest. He said that I should have sold my own tickets. “You don’t understand,” I said, “I hoped to have Sex on TV.” He called me a show off.

When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said, “Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married but Sex left me after I was married.” The Judge said, “Me too!”

Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking all over for her. A cop came over and asked me what I was doing in the alley at 4 o’clock in the morning. I said, “I’m looking for Sex.” – My case comes up next Thursday.

Well now I’ve been thrown in jail, been divorced and had more damn troubles with that dog than I ever foresaw. Why just the other day when I went for my first session with the psychiatrist, she asked me, “What seems to be the trouble?” I replied, “Sex has been my best friend all my life but now it has left me for ever. I couldn’t live any longer so lonely.” and the doctor said, “Look mister, you should understand that sex isn’t a man’s best friend so get yourself a dog.”

The original post is located here: Dog Called Sex

This can also be described as the part where you end up selling your family fortunes and end up penniless, but that doesn’t matter as long as you’ve managed to keep your girl right.

Now let us analyze the concept of a date. The origins of the word ‘Date’ lie in ancient Arabia, where the summers, the springs, the girls and the winters are always hot.

The age old tradition of Arabia decreed that males seen going out with females had to be violently punished. Hence hanging out inside the city was a little impossible, unless the wife was ok to the idea of a thing-less husband.

So what the hormone heavy kids did was, they used to go out in the desert and hang out under the shade of the date palms. The word stuck and hence we go dating’ nowadays.

Now, your date location is highly dependent on what sort of a person you are. There’s a concept in France where a huge barrel is filled with grapes and people get to stomp on them and laugh and screech and pretend to have lots of fun while doing it.

If you’re a extremely insecure person, I would not advise you to use this tactic because you don’t want to see a hunk ‘fall’ on your wife/girlfriend, thrash about in the grape slush and have lots of fun while you run away crying.

So for all of you insecure guys out there, please avoid such ‘contact sports’-dates, or get an insecure girl who’d rather cling on to you than be clung onto.

You might also want to check out the dating avenues offered by a gay bar. You’d be able to completely eliminate ‘guys hitting on your girl’ from the equation then, giving you ‘quality’ time to spend with your girl.

Now for married couples, there is an extremely radical and absolutely ‘win-win’ date concept you might want to explore. A date with a married couple. That way, you could gain valuable information about the joys of being married (if you get what I mean) and add to the pleasures of your married life.

Worst case scenario, your wife could end up falling for the other husband, but don’t worry. You shouldn’t miss the trick here. You can always hit on the other wife if that happens.

Now for the hard core romantics, I suggest falling back on history for inspiration. Way back in history. I suggest going to an apple orchard and picking apples together. If you think that this idea sucks, I’d suggest you remind yourself what happened after Eve ate The Apple. Doesn’t suck so much now does it?

Or if you’re the rather conservative lover, you can check out the usual love spots in your locality and keep your chick entertained. Now don’t ask me how to keep your chick entertained because that’s your job. If I did that, she’d be my girl, not yours.

If nothing works out and your girl’s getting losing interest, I recommend falling back on the ‘date-under-the-date-palms’ thing. A date palm’s never disappointed anyone on a date. So far.

The original post is located here: Where To Take A Girl On A Date

A couple of girlfriends went to the shopping centre to find some husbands…

First floor
The door had a sign saying, “These men have jobs and love kids.”
The women read the sign and said, “Well, that’s better than not having a job or not loving kids, but I wonder what’s further up?” So up they went.

Second floor
The sign read, “These men have high paying jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking.”
“Hmmm,” said the ladies, “But, I wonder what’s further up?”

Third floor
This sign read, “These men have high paying jobs, are extremely good looking, love kids and help with the housework.”
“Wow,” said the women, “Very tempting.” But there was another floor, so further up they went.”

Fourth floor
This door had a sign saying “These men have high paying jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak.”
“Oh, mercy me,” they cried, “Just think what must be awaiting us further on!”

So up to the fifth floor they went.

Fifth floor

The sign on that door said, “This floor is empty and exists only to prove that women are f**king impossible to please. The exit is to your left, we hope you fall down the stairs.”

The original post is located here: Where to find the perfect husband